Todd, Westside Plaza, Wester Hailes - breaking the cycle of violence
“I've been in Edinburgh now for just over 20 years. I came from Oz originally.
When I first came over and moved to Wester Hailes, people said to me, ‘Man, you’re in a bad area for violence and drugs, and all that sort of thing going on constantly.’ But I haven’t personally come across it. I've lived in worse places back home. There's a place there called Balga, and if you just live there you’re considered to be a criminal! But, nah, Wester Hailes isn’t that bad. It’s just the same as everywhere else, mate. It’s the same all over these days.
There are things in my life I’d like to change, though. If I could get my ideal job it would be some sort of café with a comic shop attached. I like my graphic novels. I used to do landscaping back home, and I've done that for a while over here as well. I'm what they know as a Jack of all trades, master of none. I used to do a lot of fencing back home as well. That’s probably the job I've done more than anything else. But I've done a lot of jobs in my time.
The biggest problem I’ve ever faced was my old man. I still have nightmares, really violent nightmares and things like that. I think it was in his nature, but I don't think it was all his fault. I don't blame him, you know what I mean? From what I know he had a rough upbringing as well, even though I never saw that in my grandfather. From when I first knew my grandfather, he was quite calm and sort of laid back, whereas, apparently, when he was younger he was quite angry. He had been in the war, in World War Two, and he had a son that was disabled. Of course, back then they didn't have much by way of support and so I think that put a lot of pressure on him, and I think he took it out on my dad. And so, in turn, I think my dad just sort of was that way. He was a very angry man - quite suicidal. A lot of his friends volunteered to go to the Vietnam War, but he was rejected. Only one of his mates ever came back, and I think that’s when he started to become suicidal. He got cancer and he chose not to do anything about it. Towards the end I think he regretted it, but that was too late.
Mom used to say, ‘You’re dad’s favourite’, but I think that was bullshit. I think my youngest brother was his favourite. But we just never got on. I smoked a bit of weed from time to time. I didn’t make a big deal about it; people go to the pub every day and drink like a fish, and then they say, ‘Oh, yeah, you're the druggie’. But I just say, ‘You do realise alcohol causes as many, if not more, problems than weed?’ My old man was a drinker as well, and we had a big argument about that exact thing. I said, ‘You're a hypocrite, dad. You go off at me about having a bit of a smoke, and yet you come into the pub every day and have a drink.’ ‘Oh, that's different,’ he said. ‘Why’s it different,’ I asked him, ’because yours is legal and mine's not?’ I said, ‘Dad, your drug’s worse than mine. Your drug causes major problems. There's not many angry people that are walking around smoking weed. They’re placid people.’
I left home when I was 15, but I never really got out of the situation. It’s been a constant. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him. He had his good moments. I do remember a few good times, and they’re the ones I try to hang on to, to be honest. But when I'm in bed it becomes a different story; my subconscious goes back to it.”
Was he physically violent towards you?
“He’d give us a flogging. I had huge welts across my arse more than a few times. He used to have a belt that he made himself out of pure cowhide and he wasn’t afraid to give you an absolute belting with it. I remember when I was about seven getting a flogging. We lived out in the country at the time, and there was an airstrip near us. I remember sitting down at the back end of that runway for about three and a half hours just sobbing my ass off.
To be honest, I was quite aggressive with my kids when I was younger. I would just get angry all of a sudden and shout at them, but I didn't get physically violent with them. But since they’ve grown up a bit I’ve mellowed out with them. I hardly talk to them to be honest, but I think that’s mostly because of the way I was when I was younger. But also, they’re in their mid-20s; you know, at that age they might as well be on Mars.
My youngest is 11 and my relationship with him has been totally different, 100% different. I might raise my voice a little bit, but I don't actually shout at him. I've never smacked him. I feel like, hopefully, I’ve broken the cycle, you know what I mean? My kids didn't go through the violence that I did. Sometimes I get that feeling that I just want to let rip, but I don’t. I force myself to just remember. And I try to relax. I like going on walks. I like nature. I could quite easily live in the bush and sit next to a river for hours and hours.”
Matt & Alissa, Westside Plaza, Wester Hailes - weird stuff and dangerous places
Matt: “My regiment was on duty at a Remembrance Day event, and we all asked the press not to post our photographs on social media sites. But they did it anyway. So, after that I decided to just get off social media altogether. That was over a year ago, and I haven't looked back. I’ve no regrets.”
Alissa: “I got a really scary message from some guy who I don't know earlier this year. I can tell you the exact date, it was the 27th of February. He was asking me if I wanted him to be my sugar daddy, and a whole lot of other really weird stuff.”
Matt: “It was powerful stuff. My cousin used to put everything about her life on social media, until one day one of her exes started stalking her. So, she just came off it altogether as well. It can be a very dangerous place. We only use WhatsApp now to communicate with each other. That’s it.”
Davie (l) and Gordon, Edinburgh Transport bus drivers, Gayfield Place
Davie: “We've been doing this job for decades, so we’re pension prisoners now. We have a good employer though. You get good training and back up, and if you do make a mistake you just put your hands up and say, ‘I make a mistake.’ It’s OK. But don’t try to be smart about it, because then you’ll become a target.”
Gordon: “Covid has changed everything. People have changed. They’re much more inside themselves and on edge. And a lot of young people are using their under-22 free passes to just ride the buses late at night. They can cause a lot of problems, especially for the girls who are driving the buses. There are some routes now where at the first sign of trouble the buses are just withdrawn.”
Patrick, Cramond Road South - new kid in town
“Entschuldigung, mein Englisch ist schlimm.” (Sorry, my English is poor.)
Wo wohnst du in Deutschland? (Where in Germany do you live?)
“Stuttgart.”
Was denkst du über Edinburg? (What do you think of Edinburgh?)
“Ich weiß das noch nicht. Ich bin erst seit einer Stunde hier!” (I don’t know that yet. I’ve only been here for one hour!)
Charlene ‘Chick’, Westside Plaza, Wester Hailes - I’m not making this up
(Isolated strong language)
“I left my job of 23 years after Covid. I started working there straight out of university. Twenty-three years - and then anxiety hit. I was like, ‘What am I going to do next?’ But I just left it. And my children have grown up. We had children when we were 24, so I was quite young and now they’re fleeing the nest. They don’t need me anymore. So, my purpose has been … well, it’s in question.
And then just the world, the way it is. I’m just like, ‘What’s going on?’ All the wars. I don’t think we’re going anywhere or know what the future holds for anybody. I know that sounds manic, but it’s stuff that keeps me awake at night. I don't understand people that can just ignore that. I'm told, ‘Just ignore it, you have to live in the moment’, but I'm like, ‘The moment is now.’ D’you know? I’m sending a 19-year old out into the world and God knows what's going to happen to them. It’s scary.”
Do you watch a lot of news?
“No, because I just absorb it. It’s really detrimental. It’s good to know what's going on obviously, so I feel I’m burying my head in the sand sometimes. It’s a double-edged sword.”
What’s the biggest challenge you've faced?
“Honestly, you chose the wrong person to ask that. I could be here all day answering you there.
I grew up with my mum as a single parent. She was alcoholic, but she still worked full-time. And then I had a wee brother and sister. They were from her second partner, who was a bank robber. He ended up in jail, so he was never there, and she brought us up all her life herself. That was hard. I mean, you couldn’t write it. I’m not making it up. So, I went off to Uni. and became an escapee, but I felt so bad about leaving my brother and sister in Glasgow. But I had to go somewhere so that I wasn't their carer, so that I wasn't a parent to my brother and sister at 16.
So, I studied Graphic Communications. It was a bit of a guinea-pig course in that it had just started. It was so-so, but I went on to run an internet café here in Edinburgh, and I met my husband when I was 18. He was from Northern Ireland and we've been together ever since.”
Do you think people around you fail to understand you?
“Definitely. I was always everything to everybody. Everybody’s good at pointing out the negatives about you now; they don’t remember the positives. They say I’m not this or that any more, but they don’t ask how, or what part did they play in that. You need to understand people’s changes, and why they’ve changed, as opposed to why they’re not the same as they used to be. But they’re not asking those questions; they’re asking, what's wrong with you because you’re not the same person, rather than asking, why?, what’s causing that? I try to take myself away from situations in my own family where people are goading me, basically. You know, teenagers and everything. So I just say, ‘No, you’re wanting to hurt.’ But they follow you.
But outside I’m terrible for getting involved. I feel people's pain and I home in on it. I look at this boy on the bike beside us here and I can feel his pain. I want to go and speak to him. That’s when my family would say, ‘No, don’t’ which is probably good advice, but my whole body’s like wanting to go there. It’s not needed though. I’m not a counsellor, but I am empathetic. You know, I may have spoken to some people who were on the cusp, and it’s made a difference. I couldn’t walk past and not try to make a wee difference, even if sometimes I’m told to ‘F off’. I’d want that for myself, or for any of my family or children if they were in any trouble. Just somebody to come up and say, ‘Are you alright, are you OK?’ D’you know? It’s just a couple of words. But other people’s emotions are not open to thinking that way. They don’t understand why you want to reach out to others. That’s an alien emotion for them to feel.
I guess I’m not going to be walking around breaking down barriers, but I’m still going to be myself. It really pains me sometimes not to make a wee comment like, ‘Aw, look at your wee face’, or, ‘Look at your wee shoes’, or, ‘I like your dress’, when I genuinely like what I see about them. That can make someone’s day. But my husband and daughter just go, ‘Stop talking to people’. But I can’t. In fact, I think the world should be full of more of us! I can’t apologise for that.”
Do you do anything to care for yourself?
“No, that’s why I’m doing Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. That’s what I’m learning – to think about myself. Last week the girl who’s doing it with me was encouraging me to challenge myself with questions, like, ‘Why do you think you have to feel that way?’ I guess it’s ingrained in me. I think everyone is supposed to think and feel that way. So, she said, ‘Well, don’t think that way. Learn to say, ‘fuck it’.’
Obviously, that’s not going to happen after just one chat. But I’m trying; I’ve just had a Gregg’s sausage roll, and I’m sitting here in the sun talking to you!”
Roxanne, Main Street, Davidsons Mains - the power of chat
“I actually work from home, but I walk my children to school every day and then I tend to pop into the local café and have a cup of coffee and some chats before I go home. One of the benefits of living in a village area like Davidsons Mains is that I see people I know. It’s one of the benefits of being on foot instead of in a car. I see people and we chat, chat, chat every day. So, yeah, I find that I'm more productive at work, I have a better mood and I have more energy when I make even tiny social connections. Sometimes people I don't even know come and chat; it makes a difference to my mental health for sure.”
The Angel’s Share, The Royal Mile
Jim and Denise, Westside Plaza, Wester Hailes - pulling together
Are you friends or a romantic unit or …?
Denise: “No, we're married! And our 18th wedding anniversary is coming up soon.”
Jim: “Aye, it's on the 26th of next month.”
Where did you meet?
Jim: “Up the toon, in a bar called Rutherfords.”
Denise: “It's a restaurant now in Drummond St called The Hispaniola.”
What's the secret of a successful relationship?
Jim: “Agree with her!”
Denise: “Not listening to anything he says.”
Jim: “Selective hearin’ I have.”
Denise: “If you're going to ask him any questions, don’t! Just say, ‘I’m gonna do this, and I’m gonna get that.’ If you asked him a question, you get so many answers it’s better just no’ tae bother!”
Is she easy to live with Jim?
Jim: “Aye, she’s all right. At times she goes overboard, but I just listened to her and tell her to shut up!”
Do you like living in Wester Hailes?
Denise: “It's been generally OK. Then we had some rough times with antisocial behaviour a few years ago, and that wasn’t great. But the council and everybody worked together and they got it sorted so it's back to being OK again now.
Jim: “The Council came out and started sending letters to everyone about anti-social behaviour basically warning them, right if any more trouble comes from that address, and that address, then ye’re ‘oot’.”
Denise: “The police helped with a lot of it as well. They came up to see us about various issues that were going on, and the social workers helped sort things out. We've got fairly good neighbours around us. There's a great couple just two stairs along, they’re gay and they’re married, and we love them. They've got a dog and cats that wander around the place, and everybody just loves those cats and feeds them treats. It’s lovely. And the people in our own stair are really nice as well. People sometimes say you never get to know the folk in the same close as you, but that's rubbish. We do.”
Jim: “Yes, we do. Our next-door neighbour, Frank, he died a few years ago. I got to know him through the local pub. Doreen we've known for years anyway, in the bottom flat. And then there was Davie Davidson, but he died an’ a’. So, Doreen’s the longest in the stair, and then it's us. We've had new folk move in, so now we’ve got Polish folk and some coloured folk. And they’re OK. They’re fine. I've got no problem with them at all.”
Denise: “And the area’s improved since they’ve done these buildings up and painted them. Ours is a sort of lilac colour. Putting colour into the place has made people feel less demoralised, like they’re not being left behind so much, that the Council is actually doing something to make the area look nice for them. They do like it, because if it makes people feel good about their area, it makes them feel good about themselves.”
Jordan and Aidan, Café Elmrow, Leith Walk - chess mates
“We've known each other since university, but we started playing chess online during Covid. A lot of our friends had gone back to where they had come from, but after lockdown ended we started meeting in person to play. There’s a whole group of us now that play board games, which is our primary activity, and, yeah, it’s just become a bit of an obsession. We also go on camping trips and hiking trips and all sorts. Chess is something that probably 70% of the group get involved with.”
“There’s a lot of rivalry here, and it goes very deep!”
Lucy, Comb Café, Leven Street - breaking barriers and building relationships
“I think that with phones and technology everyone keeps even more to themselves than ever before. I'm from New York City originally, so it’s probably even worse there, but I see it a lot here too in Edinburgh. With self-checkouts and things like that, all of those moments where you used to have interactions with people are going away, and so no one's used to speaking to strangers anymore, you know.
I do a lot of volunteer work at the Royal Hospital for Children and Young People. This might be something to do with Covid of course, but I think a lot of kids have grown up not being used to strangers. They stay inside a lot, and they are quite hesitant to open up and break through that barrier.
Do you find people responsive if you do reach out to them?
Here in the café, I think people are generally friendly. People often come to cafes looking for an interaction. They’re looking to meet someone and to get to know people, so that's what I really like about it. And having regulars you get to really know people.
The thing is that whenever you do reach out to someone, then all of a sudden you can break through barriers and build relationships.”
The Reader, Bernard Street, Leith
"One benefit of summer was that each day we had more light to read by." Jeanette Walls.
Zak, Murrayburn Park, Wester Hailes - it only makes sense if you’re drunk
“We have a bunch of idiots running the country. They’re ruining it.
There is no backup for society, for the people. I had an operation on my legs, and I need help, but they tell me there is no money. There is nothing. They say, ‘If somebody cancels, we will phone you, but we cannot promise you anything. Demand is high, but we don't have enough resources.’ The thing is wrong, honestly! Why does everybody get the prescription free? Why? If you need it, if you are a single mother for example, then, yes. People who are professional can afford to pay for their prescriptions. It costs £20 or £30 million, something like that. The politicians who introduced this are mad.”
You're obviously not getting the support you need.
“I don't get any support. I've been waiting for months and months. I phoned again this morning, and they said, ‘If we get a cancellation we will phone you, and you can get a taxi and come in.’ They've been telling me there might be a place in Liberton hospital, but there is nothing. It's like we have third world idiots running the country. Ever since the rise of the Conservatives and the SNP it's all gone downhill. I liked people like Gordon Brown and Malcolm Rifkind. They were heavyweight politicians.
The SNP are only interested in Independence, and that's it. I'll tell you something; the guy from the Corries who wrote, ‘Flower of Scotland’, he told me, ‘I hate that song.’ Honestly. Honestly. It is demeaning to the Scottish people. It only makes sense if you're drunk! Sadly, the guy died with cancer, but he said that he wouldn't sing that song again, and he didn't want to hear other people singing it or talking about it either.”
Do you think there is any chance of improvement?
“We have too many professional politicians. We have a big drugs problem around here. And what have they done? They walk around Princes Street wearing a T-shirt with slogans. Every day somebody dies here from drugs. I think the answer is to let professional people run services, not politicians. Let psychiatrists run mental health services; they are the people who understand the real needs, and the best ways to meet them. Just now money is just going down the drain.
There is a gentleman here, he is 65 years old, and his wife has just been diagnosed with dementia. The man is just struggling. Sometimes I cook for him and hand in some food.
I watched a programme two days ago on BBC about a man who was caring for his wife who had dementia. They lived in sheltered housing. There was dampness in the house, and he was complaining about it, but he got no help at all. He is taking care of his wife 24 hours a day, and he has no idea how he will cope with her in the future. So, yes, we need the professionals in these things to run our public services and get rid of the politicians from all of that. The professionals will target the money best of all. The SNP have slowly ruined the country. People like Gordon Brown, Ian Lang and Malcolm Rifkind, they were different; they listened to the people.”
They used to call me Poncho but now they call me Bandana, Nicolson Square
“I work with rescue cats and dogs in the Edinburgh Cat and Dog Home in Seafield. Before that, I cooked in Jericho house, you know, the hostel for homeless people. I used to play Santa Claus every Christmas for all the homeless guys in there. It was the beard, I think."
Ibrahim, Little King Street - absence and the heart
“I'm from Gambia, but I have a Spanish passport. That’s how I came here in 2016, and there hasn't been a single month that I haven't been fully employed.”
That’s something to be proud of.
“I don't have anything in my life that makes me feel proud, but I am happy that I have this work cleaning in the shopping centre. My two daughters are the only people I have, but they are still in Africa. I long in my heart to bring them here, but the problem is money. It is very expensive now. My manager has given me five days’ work, but I’m looking for another job as well. If I can have two jobs, then perhaps I will be able to bring my girls to be with me.”
Fiona, Murrayburn Gate, Wester Hailes - shy no more
“I’ve had lots of interest over my life. I just finished doing a degree a couple years ago. I decided to do that during lockdown. I didn’t choose the right degree though, so I haven't actually used it. It was a degree in Occupational Therapy. But that's fine. I'm very, very happy to have it. When I was at school I just got two ‘O’-Grades, and I know I could have done more. So, I decided to do that degree and I'm so glad that I did. It really kept me busy during lockdown.”
Was it always your aspiration to make good on your academic underperformance in school?
“Not just that. I’m very big on personal development. Believe it or not, I used to be incredibly shy. There you go. It’s taken me a long time to get over that. That was way back, I don't know, in my twenties. I've been working on myself ever since, trying to build up certain aspects of my personality and develop myself.”
How have you set about that?
“Sheer determination! And just basically getting over fears. You’ve no idea what it's like to be shy. Speaking to people was one of my greatest fears back then, but not now. I've managed to get over because, basically, once you get over that first hurdle … I always remember the first time I said hello and smiled to somebody. I was with my husband, and I said to him, ‘Look what I’ve just done!’ and he was, like, ‘Alright’. He just didn't get it. But inside I thought, ‘I just smiled at a stranger and said hello’. It was just that one thing. If you can do that one first step, you can do more. Since then, I’ve managed to do quite well I think.”
Did you consciously continue to build on that?
“Yes, consciously. I force myself to do things I'm uncomfortable with. Going to University was the scariest thing I’ve done in my life, and I'm not joking. When I was walking up to Queen Margaret (University) going for interview, I was shaking and I was white, but as soon as I got in that interview I just came to life, I just cracked it. And I got in! But I was really scared. I'm more elderly than the other people that were there. I don't know if I want to tell you my age but, well OK, I’m 55. So, yeah, that was scary. But now I love doing scary things.
I think what goes in your mind, your self-talk inside your head, is very, very important. Other people see you differently than how you see yourself. I mean it is challenging, but it's just something you have to be determined to do. It’s difficult to describe; I think it's just stopping the narrative inside your head and trying to get a more balanced opinion. But once you challenge yourself and go out and speak to other people, especially get other people's stories, you just get feedback in and it's like, ‘Oh, if they can do that then maybe I can do it too.’ So it does help speaking to other people. Communication is big. Because I know what it's like to be shy, I'm able to empathise with somebody who feels that way.”
If we all had a warning label in our backs what would yours say?
It would say, ‘If you want peace and quiet, don't come and speak to me!’
Looking to the future have you got specific goals?
“I've got a list of things to do, and I’m never going to stop. I think you can keep going until the day you die; just keep going, keep developing yourself. I've got a friend who's in her eighties and she's taken up golf. She's also taking Polish lessons. So, yeah, to just keep going and keep doing different things and keep my brain active. That's what I would say.”
What do you do to de-stress and relax?
“Well, we've got two cats at the moment. I find animals are very good for helping de-stress, and we're getting a puppy very soon, a wee Labrador. But nature is important, just going for a walk and noticing everything about you. It's absolutely amazing what you can see if you look for it. I find it interesting anyway; I don't know if other people would. But for me, just looking at plants and flowers and wildlife - if you stand and watch you can see so much. Just doing that, yeah, it can just take you outside your head. It doesn't need to be expensive, it can be something as easy as that.”
Charlie, The Village Bistro, Davidsons Mains
How often do you come here Charlie?
“Oh, just every day! I come in here every day and for Sunday lunch and I had my 90th birthday here which was brilliant.
I started coming here as soon as it opened. I've always walked from home down to Tesco's to get my paper. So when Paula opened this Bistro I thought, ‘O, great’, and so I came in and it was Paula, and I started coming every day after that. That's well over a year ago now.
I want it to continue because it's a village thing. It's a very homely place. I call it the Comedy Club. Jackie who works here too, she's brilliant you know. They all are. Radha and Jackie and Joyce. When I had my 90th they were all here as well. You've got to go clubbing sometime, you know?! I get a lot out of this. I leave here every day feeling good, I really do. Because everybody is so friendly. In fact Paula phones me if I'm not in.
People ask me the secret of my longevity. For a laugh I usually say, drink and women! But there are three real reasons: my garden, walking a lot and talking. And we do a lot of talking here!”
